New Poem: Polishing a sheep is a so hard job

With editing ‘A Close Shave with Destiny’ and writing my serial novel ‘Islands of Hope,’ I have had very little time to do other writing. I wrote a lot of poetry at the start of last year but have not for a while. Partly due to other projects and partly due to looking for a topic. I have actually wanted to write another for a few months. The other day the opportunity arose! The wife and I we were singing songs to our 1-year-old girl, when we stopped we noticed our 4-year-old, who was playing with some trains, was singing the songs but with different words. The last line of his song was, ‘polishing a sheep is a so hard job.’ We laughed and then an idea for a poem jumped into my head. It is about a farmer who does strange things to animals to get them ready for a show. I was going to write it as ‘ Polishing a sheep is a very hard job’ but felt what my son said, whilst grammatically incorrect, sounded better. I tried rhyming but it felt forced, when I went without I felt I could write it like a conversation, or rather one person talking at another. I think it is best to read in a stereotypical British West Country accent because that is how I wrote it, partly due to the grammar errors in the title. You can read it below or go to my poetry collection ‘Bad Poetry You probably never want to read’ on wattpad. Oh yeah, if it is not clear, don’t try any of this at home!

 

Polishing a sheep is a so hard job

Polishing a sheep is a so hard job

They runs away when they see you

And you just gets one then they hear

That psst psst spraying and they’re gone

When the polish is on you gots to rub it in

But it mats up all the fur real bad

You gets a comb and pull and pull

Then you can get that real good shine

And it’s all worth the work you puts in

If all gets too much then remember this

They’ve got to be ready for the show

 

Ironing a chicken is a so hard job

They don’t like the heat you see

So yous has to iron from a distance

And that don’t always make them feathers flat

But get in too close and push too hard

Then the feathers burn and go black

Now no-one ever wants that

Especially not the chicken herselves

So though yous got to hold tight

You need to caress her and keep her calm cause

She’s got to be ready for the show

 

Hoovering a cow is a so hard job

You sees they gets lots of crumbs on em’

Not like biscuit or cakes but more likes mud

Now these ones are easier to catch

And if yous skilled you get on their backs

But they has lots a crannies about

The worst bit by far is the udders you see

When yous got that little hose they pop in

Then you pull it off and another is in

When milk comes out the hoover don’t like that but

She’s got to be ready for the show

 

But the hardest job is mopping a duck

You might say, why mop a duck who live in pond?

Well, pond water is the wrong type o’ water

And you can’t put cleaner in them ponds

Or else it makes duck sick you see

So I have to stretch over with mop in hand

But it just slips off his downy feathers

And off he swims, quacking out laughter

Once I fell in and thought why do I bother

But you know why I keep going? Cause

He’s got to be ready for the show

 

And when the show comes

They won’t laugh at what I do

First in show, four times through

And the prize is just a bonus

For the pride I feel in my heart

I polished the sheep

I ironed the chicken

I hoovered the cow

And I mopped the duck

All so they were ready for the show

Now, where’s that goat? He ain’t gonna descale himself

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Islands of Hope Update – 07/10/2017

Well I expected this week’s update to be only about 200 words as I got a little distracted with another story I am writing. Then one night I found myself alone, everyone else in bed, and I got that writing bug. I think I have now finished Chapter 5, the writing is at a logical end for this section but I am not sure if I will add more to it or just start Chapter 6 next week. Anyway, this week’s update is a nice bit of dialogue which goes towards world building, adding in plot and developing character. I hope it is as good as that makes it sound. As always the update is available on wattpad. You can read Chapter 5 here or start from the beginning here.

Islands of Hope Cover

So here it is at last and I really like it, I would go as far as saying it is the best cover I have every created. It gives a little away, as it shows one location that will appear in the book but hopefully that does not tell you too much of the story.

I am thankful for wikicommons that I could find royalty free images as I got exactly what I wanted. I was going for a sort of World War 2 identification card with a red fist to represent revolution. The fire is just a nice little touch that I think adds to the idea there will be action and also puts a bit of colour into the cover. I was worried about getting the writing and hand to look like a stamp but with a special eraser, filter and layer settings in Photoshop I am happy with the end result.

I really hope that now having a cover makes everyone more excited for the book. Remember you can read it here on wattpad. Also, feel free to leave me any comments about it. Well then, see you on Saturday for the next update.

Islands of Hope Update – 09/09/2017

Saturday is here once more and that means an ‘Islands of Hope’ update. Bit more of a confusing one this week as I managed to finish Chapter 2 and start Chapter 3. I was going to hold back the start of Chapter 3 but felt that was not in the spirit of the project so it is all there for you. I also feel the story is starting to get moving so it might be a good time to get into it if you have not read it yet.

As usual it is on wattpad. You can read Chapter 2 here, Chapter 3 here or start from the beginning here. Also you can choose secret option D which is ignoring the story all together!

NaNoWriMo 2016 Blog & Social Media Hop

Raimey Gallant

Welcome fellow Wrimos! If you’ve read even one article on book promotion, you’re familiar with the term “author platform”, which is basically your marketing reach. It’s how you’ll promote your books, especially online. The bigger your platform, the better.

So, let’s build our platforms together! Add your blog and social media pages in the form below, and I’ll send it out to every participant at the end of NaNoWriMo 2016, so we can follow one another’s pages.

UPDATE: We have 141 participants so far, which means 141 engaged people who will follow back many of the accounts you add to this form.

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New Poem – The First Word

Now the summer holidays have come I am tasking myself with writing for at least ten minutes each day so I can get something out before the end of August. Sometimes I find, like most writers, that I just need to get the first word right to allow my writing to flow. I know what I want to put down but cannot always start. For some reason today I felt like writing a poem and thought this writing conundrum was a worthy topic. Unlike the ideas behind the poem the actual writing of the poem flowed and I was able to produce it quickly. I tried to get symbolism in there rather than focusing on rhyming like I have with most of my other poems, you can not only tell this by the metaphors but the fact it does not rhyme at all! For once I feel like I did a good job and am rather proud of myself, a little bit smug you could say! You can read the poem on wattpad or take a gander below…

 

The First Word

Shaking, trembling, the perspiration falls

I have so much to say

So much to give to the world

Like a torrid ocean my mind swirls

I know where this will go

I just need to find its hand

So I can lead it to its destination

But alas it blocks my path

My kryptonite

My achilles heel

My dark side

My temptation

My inner demon

A vast land stretches before me

But I am stuck behind a wall

Peering through the bars of a gate

If only I could get the key

Turn the lock and be allowed to run free

I look, I stare but all is bare

As I fumble in the undergrowth

I find what I am looking for

Cold metal on my sweaty palms

But there are more and more

Some copper

Some plastic

Some card shaped

But which is right for me?

The land changes as I move each one close to the gate

It turns to fire, then ice, then sand

All will work, but only one is right

Which I pick could shape my destiny

Keep me flowing through this land

Carving out a channel through the rolling hills

Until the next wall appears and I must choose again

I use the first key I saw

Poke a toe out, the grass feels rough

It is like thorns pressing into my foot

I pull back in pain

Maybe the plastic one will do

I try again but this time I feel water

It is cold, ice cold but does not feel bad

What is that? Swimming there?

Sharp teeth, dark eyes, wide jaws

I retreat again, to the safety of this place

Behind the wall, waiting for the inspiration to come

Waiting for the right choice to be made

I search some more, there are keys

Keys everywhere

Some hang from trees, pretty and ornate

Some are deep in the ground, covered in dirt

Some give an aura of hope

Some tell of despair

And so this will go on and on

Find a key, try the lock

Taste the air and feel the ground

I will keep going

For minutes

For hours

For days

I will find the right path

I will be able to run free

But I cannot think of that now

Now I need to hunt

Now I need to search

Now I need to find my first word